He Said Come Follow Me

marshmallows and mayhem...couldn't get any better than this

2009-06-08T00:02:00.008-05:00

Oh my. I could write PAGES about what I've been up to for the past couple weeks. But I'm not going to (right now). I will say- this weekend was amazing. We had our first two events for our youth at Great Lakes Church. It has been interesting, challenging, exciting, and super rewarding to be a part of the planning process to make it possible for our youth to start connecting with each other. I had all the familiar feelings of working in ministry (that I love and have been missing)- I definitely put some effort into the planning, and I was met with the equally familiar results of success and fulfillment when everything was over. We didn't do anything special or elaborate- but God was totally in it all. Man, I LOVE seeing kids laugh and smile- mostly when it's a result of raw egg goober or a broken water balloon being splatter on someone! I love when I know a kid has a reputation for being shy or difficult and they come to hang out and you know the event would have been seriously lacking without their presence. I LOVE working with students. It is nothing short of a passion. In the 2nd video, there's a blip at the end where Dave turns the camera on me. Now you know when you see yourself appear on the screen you think "ugh, am I gonna look and sound like a totally nerd." I'll say this- I love everything about those few seconds when the camera is on me. You know why- because I recognize the joy and passion in my eyes---it's good to be doing this again. And as much as I'm excited for myself to be involved in youth ministry again, I'm a million times more excited for the youth to start to experience what God has in store for them here!

(turn off the blog music by scrolling to the bottom of this page and pushing pause)

may you live all your days in love

2009-05-19T00:11:00.002-05:00

Today my beautiful, funny, friendly, sometimes slightly annoying, mostly wonderful, always generous and loving parents celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary.
I'd say that 30 years of stickin' it out through think and thin is quite the accomplishment.
They're getting back from Vegas this evening and we'll celebrate as a family (sans Stacie) at Texas Roadhouse.
I'm proud of them- and blessed to have them as parents.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

2009-04-16T10:08:00.003-05:00

WOW! It's been a week for proposals! I'm so happy for my friends who have taken this next BIG STEP in their relationships. In both cases, the love I've seen shared is so genuine and tangible. Such an exciting time!
CONGRATULATIONS my FRIENDS!

A fairytale romance that started in the land down under and continues to grow even in the frigid cold of Minnesota! It's been such and incredible joy to be a witness to the love shared between my dearest Love and her Seattle man. For two years I got to experience firsthand the smiles, elation, and sometimes just simple frustrations of their long distance relationship. Knowing that, someday, it'd all pay off. Now, one (big) step closer to saying "I DO," I couldn't be any more excited for my dear friends!

Down south they have these fast food joints called Krystal. Every single time JonBert would pass one during our summer of camp- he'd sigh and ever so gently say the name of his beloved. They've dated for 7 years (and she's only a sophomore in college)!! And if you're wondering if it's even a bit of a surprise that JonBert would propose in something so crazy as a mascot costume----the answer is NO!! :) SO CUTE!!! SO PRICELESS!!

Good Friday

2009-04-10T10:11:00.004-05:00

I LOVE celebrating Easter- it is, afterall, what I have chosen to live for. While everyone is hopped up on sugar I'm completely hopped up on the Holy Spirit. and Today is turning out to be a Good Friday indeed.
My aunt called early to see if Jeffrey could come over. She has to work and leaving all three kids with Grandma is asking for trouble. We've enjoyed a little Guitar Hero action and while we waited for Mario Kart to load- I got to explain what Good Friday and Easter Sunday are really all about. He's never heard any of it before. So awesome. He told me that when he's walking down the halls at school he feels Jesus walking with him---how cool is that!
We're going to run some errands now. I need to pay some bills, clean my car, and get these gnarly eyebrows under control! But the most important part of this day has turned into some quality time spent with an 8 year old who is trying to figure out this whole Jesus thing.
My parents are heading up north this afternoon to spend the weekend with my mom's family. I opted to stay in Kenosha. While I LOVE Eau Claire, I'm trying to make Kenosha 'home' again- and that means staying here for the weekend and spending Easter Sunday with my new community- which includes my aunt and cousins.

well--Jeffrey is on the verge of tears because he's mad at me for sitting at the computer....

here are some pictures from our day. We decided to 'go on vacation' right here in Kenosha. We ate a Trolly Dogs, spent some time down by the lighthouse, and got ice cream at a really cute place downtown. It was super fun- and something we'll definately do again. Even after 23 years, there is so much in this city that I've yet to experience. If I can't travel the country this summer- I'm going to travel this city- who knows what we'll find!

for your listening pleasure

2009-04-01T22:16:00.003-05:00

you're shocked? confused? a little ticked? thankful?

I decided to completely dump the old playlist and play ALL new stuff. I've just spent some quality time rummaging through pandora to find some new stuff---even some stuff I don't know all that well. If you're like me, and you open this page just to hear music everyday- than I'm going to assume that you are thankful for the change.
That last list was- hands down- quality music. I hope this one serves you just as well--if not- let me know.

God Sightings of the day:::
I bought a new pack of sharpies (seriously--it's like a drug for OMs--and not because we sniff them!)
I found out that, while I still owe the government money, it's not nearly as much as I had projected.hooray for the tax lady!?!
THIS PlAYLIST

these are what we,um, call Satan sightings:::
I think (if you're not in college) April Fools day is just dumb and annoying.
someone at work keeps steeling my coffee creamer
the lady at UPS was a biotch and took the only ray of sunshine I had left

I'm off to bed- driving down to O'hare to send mom to Texas for the weekend. This means- if i don't want to- I don't have to do dishes for 4 WHOLE DAYS....that is going to be my God Sighting tomorrow--fo sho! (yes, em, I do dishes daily now!!)

<3

Seriously........

2009-03-29T22:20:00.004-05:00

Spring officially started a couple weeks ago.
This is what it looks like in Wisconsin!!

Last weekend when it was probably 60 degrees out, my mom uncovered all the furniture on the deck....whoops.

This is, in all fairness, my favorite type of snow. I think it's pretty pretty---but still ridiculous and quite unwelcome!

Our neighborhood this morning. What a site!! There's dad in the driveway plowing. I think he secretly loves it. He practically plows for the whole neighborhood.

Hodge-Podge

2009-03-28T16:35:00.003-05:00

I just got home from the RecPlex. One of the oh-so-many perks of being a pre-k teacher are the invitations to themed birthday parties. Today it was princesses-- Tons and Tons of them- everywhere you looked!! I went a little late (simply because 3.5 hours of hanging out with the kids I see all week---unpaid---is outside the job description- and I had lots to get done today) But it was fun. We swam. And by swam, I mean I walked around the pool with at least 3 kids latched on. I can guarantee you that this little girl has no idea that 'times are tough.' She can probably play with one new toy each day for the next 2 months. It was INSANE. (and, honestly, kind of sad.)

I'd also like to note that I learned an important lesson today. My parents always tell me not to park in the street in front of our house. It's pretty busy, and people are always speeding to merge after the intersection. Well---I don't always listen and this morning when I went out to leave, I discovered that someone clipped the side of my car and busted off a good chunk of my driver-side mirror. I'm kinda WAY TICKED about it---at the person who did it and at myself! SHOOT.

Oh, and here's a funny thing- I was at the grocery store yesterday during my break at work. I got the intuitive feeling that I was being watched. (I should mention that I was at a very shady store downtown) Anyway- sure enough- I'm picking out some granola bars and Loraunt -as I would later learn his name- came up and told me he liked my toe polish ( i KNEW I should have worn tennis shoes!) He continued to make small talk while I politely laughed at almost everything he said. He told me he was just bein real and hoped he'd be seeing me again.....I can promise you he will not! Oh- and when I got out to my car, the alarm was going off---clearly someone was trying to get into it. Gotta love Kenosha!

There are many more hodge-podgish things I could write about- like my wonderful weekend in Eau Claire a few weeks ago. (I got 'scolded' for not writing about it!) I could also tell you that I've started working with some of the leaders at Great Lakes Church to launch our youth group. I'm pretty excited about it. I've been making contact calls the last couple days and just feeling out the situation. We won't officially launch until June- but there's definitely tons to be done before then. This is literally a dream come true for me. In high school, my friend Kevin and I always tried to start a youth group at our Catholic church- usually when we'd get back from Workcamp. I'm so excited to be a part of something that I so desperately wanted when I was in high school.

Wonderful Weekend

2009-03-22T21:36:00.005-05:00

Sadly, another wonderful weekend has come and gone. This one happened to be particularly special- with special guests and celebrations. The anniversary party was fantastic. Mary Helen has always known how to throw an outstanding party, and you have no idea how super cute it is to clink classes for a couple married 70 years!
The Herbert girls also sharpened our shopping skills this weekend. You'd hardly no that 'times are tough' when the weather is nice and you live by an outdoor mall. I had to wait in line to get into the Coach store! My mom thinks people are buying purses instead of putting food on the table---she may be right.
Today I went to church with my sister and our cousins - always a good time. After, we cooked out at Sara and Jeremy's house. I then had a rather long 'membership class' at church. We officially launched just 6 weeks ago, and today there were 126 people that committed to being contributing members (and not just in the financial capacity). I'm excited to be a part of the community- and even more excited to start leading some jr/sr high ministry groups. I've found that I miss that the most.
And finally- the weekend ended with a short- but great- visit with Phil and Kyrie. He brought her here so I could drive her to n. Milwaukee so she could get a ride back to school. A little guitar hero, some Luigi's, and a couple good laughs will have to last until we see each other again (hopefully in just a couple short weeks).
So that's it. Here are some pictures from the weekend. Let's be honest--they're always the best part! I even fancied them up a bit- ENJOY. Have a great week! <3

Happy 70th Anniversary Mary and Emil!

2009-03-19T10:40:00.002-05:00

Today, my ‘adopted grandparents’ are celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary! We’ve been blessed to be their adopted family for 30 years now. Next door neighbors since the day my parents married and moved into our home, we’ve shared so many memories- and I’m so excited that this is one of them! It certainly doesn’t happen often. Think about it- most of us don’t even have a shot at having a 70th anniversary. (By the way- the traditional gift is platinum. And for an 80th anniversary it’s oak. I can only think of one really practical use for oak around the age of 100---and I think that’s cruel!) Anyway- on with the this----

Emil said at Christmas about the approaching celebration, “I didn’t think I’d live to be 70 years old- let alone married this long!!”

The story of how they met is a fairytale- maybe because it was 1938- maybe because for fun they went dancing on Saturday nights and a date cost 5 cents- because the places they lived and worked are only in pictures of the past.

He was a buff football player. She was the cafeteria worker. She cut her leg on some glass. He carried her upstairs to dress the wound. BAM! I don’t know if that’s exactly how they’ve told the story- but I like it like that. My favorite part is that they eloped in Waukegan after only a short courtship. Both living at home with their parents, they got the required physical, drove down, got hitched, stopped for a beer, and then went back to live separately with their parents. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when Emil’s mom was doing his laundry that the secret was discovered. She cleaned out his pockets and found a physical slip with Mary’s name on it. She said, “This Mary Helen- are you married to her?” How cool is that!

It could be the one martini a day (err straight glass of gin) that keeps them going. But, I’d put my money on the bond they have and the love they share. It’s been pretty incredible to witness.

So today, March 19, 2009 we raise our martinis high and toast to 70 years of marriage!
CHEERS-- Mary and Emily Pietrangeli---CHEERS!!

Word of God speak

2009-03-13T10:17:00.005-05:00

I wish I had a freakin clue about what to do with my life!!

That's all I have/want to say right now. :)

SEE THE WAY

2009-02-22T23:59:00.004-06:00

This picture was taken on one of my favorite missions of the summer- actually in Mission, South Dakota. Justin, Don, and I went out one night just before sunset equipped with bee killer and caulk to try and salvage a worksite that was in danger of being pulled because of a giant beehive in the outside wall of the house. Although we had so much fun preparing our game plan, talking about the possibilities of running into snakes, and getting caught up in our ultra awesome 'save the world' mentalities, the mission was ultimately a FAIL.

But, as we were preparing to leave, we turned up towards the west to see this absolutely breathtaking sunset. Mind you- this was at the end of our summer spent on Indian reservations and Justin and I were beyond ready to get the heck outta the middle-of-nowhere America. But God reminded us that He was there. I love this picture. And I absolutely love Misty Edwards’s song 'See the Way.' (I hope you take the time to listen to the lyrics, while you're here.)

God’s beauty and glory show up in the His perfect timing----wherever He chooses to reveal them.

Pink Is My Favorite Color

2009-02-22T13:01:00.002-06:00

It has been brought to my attention that I haven’t written recently and specifically that I haven’t shared any of my teaching stories. What can I say- something different happens every day when you work with 5yr olds. I get to see the good, the bad, and most certainly- the ugly.

I now know what it looks like for a 5 year old to not be constipated after 3 days. And, in the same experience I have learn that “Ms. Stephanie is good at wiping butts.” I also know what vomit looks like when spewed all over a gym floor. Consequently, I know how to handle a small scale evacuation of a gymnasium after a ‘natural disaster.’ I know what 4 year old little teeth feel like when they chomp down on my forearm, hand, and fingers. I know what it feels like to get ‘bitch-slapped’ across the face by a 4 year old. What else? I’ve started to get really frustrated hearing “Ms. Stephanie” 25x within 30 seconds- and I finally told my kids I don’t know who that is. Now, sometimes, I’m Ms. Emily. Somehow having 2 names relieves that stress, makes them laugh, and reminds me of the real Ms. Emily whom I greatly miss. It’s a win – win. (creative solutions at work) I know that 5 year old boys think that “pee-pee” is hilarious to say, that farts are funny, and that girls have cooties.

One of the greatest lessons I’m learning is about GERMS. It’s true- they spread. While my kids leave me at the end of the day, they so generously give me a parting gift. All the boogers, snot, spit, and funk that I am exposed to every day so conveniently takes up residence in my system. Last weekend I was in bed with the flu- the nasty kind. I will say no more. And this weekend’s ailment of choice: Pink Eye. It’s super attractive. My left eye is crimson red and was swollen shut for the greater part of Saturday. And this morning, for a brief moment, I learned what it must feel like to wake up blind. The infection has spread to my right eye- and both were funked shut. It’s gross. At the current moment, I have full vision. I just happen to look like I’ve been smoking pot all morning. It’s no fun. And because it’s highly contagious, I’ve been shunned from interactions with the outside world. I did go to church this morning. My cousins had called and asked me to take them- and because I cancelled last week, I couldn’t disappoint them again. My original plan was to sit in my car and read a book- but then I decided to go to service, sit completely alone, and touch nothing. I also kept anti-bacteria spray in my pocket and used it frequently. I think I was responsible. But, this afternoon while my parents go to the Kenosha Expo, and while everyone from Great Lakes Church gets together for our first ‘connect event,’ I’m stuck back inside. Alone. Annoyed.

My time in the classroom has taught me that my days will not always be filled with sunshine and rainbows. But I’ve also learned that kids LOVE their teachers, that they think the world of me, and I have an obligation to be my very best for them every day. I know what it’s like to believe in a child who has some issues- to see him begin to thrive in his environment, to come out of his shell, and to allow affection to be received and even given. I know that if I simply curl my hair, when I walk into the room someone will say “Ms. Stephanie, you look beautiful today!” I get secret satisfaction when kids cry when their parents show up at the end of the day because they aren’t ready to go home. I’ve observed that who you become in life is most definitely shaped during your early years- and I get to be a positive part of that for these kids.

The struggles are great and constant, but the reward is far greater. The frustration is absolutely worth it.
And I’m just lucky that pink is my favorite color.

GLC my new VB

2009-02-03T21:58:00.003-06:00

I’ve found a new church. This is huge deal to me. After leaving Valleybrook (the greatest community I’ve ever been a part of) God challenged me to look deeper at the relationship I was in with Him. I was really good at being a Valleybrooker- on staff, helping out, small groups, etc. But when I was stripped of that, God showed me what it was like to just be intimate with Him- without the bells and whistles of titles and commitments. So, it was no surprise to me that when I started attending a church here in Kenosha (FCC) when I first moved back that God would ask me to wait and not get involved with the ministries. I was so ready to hang out with high schoolers again, to be in charge of some events, to be connected to a church community- but God said “wait.” Of course, my response was “ummmm okay- but good luck showing me something better than this in Kenosha. Our churches are pretty stiff. I’m sure this is the best I’ll find.” There were many days that e-mail youth pastor at FCC was on my list of things-to-do. But God, in His perfect patients and awesomeness, was right about waiting! Imagine.
My sister, Sara, had e-mailed me a news article for a new church starting up in Kenosha at the beginning of January—Great Lakes Church. I wasn’t able to attend until the 3rd week, but when I did, I knew God was keeping a promise. I, was out of town again for the 4th week, but was able to attend this past Sunday--- and sitting next to me was my aunt. If you know me well, you know why I moved home. I had a small dream for our family. And man, God is saying- DREAM AGAIN! The kids love going there. I even popped in and saw Jon (who entered the doors with the grumpiest, unenthused look of all) volunteering up-front for a game! I’m telling you. God is doing some awesome things at Great Lakes Church and in the city of Kenosha.
Now, I can’t say all this and then not mention that this new church has faced its share of controversy already. (What great church hasn’t?!) I was supposed to meet with Dave, our pastor, at 6:30 last Thursday. He called me around 5:30 to reschedule. He had just received a call from Kenosha Unified School District (we had been meeting in an elementary school) that ‘effective immediately’ our lease with them would be terminated. The reason: a mailing had just reached mailboxes and some people were, let’s just say, less than pleased. We’re launching into 2 serviced this coming weekend, and the first series will be about SEX. [insert] Gasp!! Man were feathers ruffled- and do they continue to be. Coming from Valleybrook, the topic of healthy sexuality wasn’t something discussed and dealt with under the table. We had Pure Desire groups for guys (of all ages- including our high schoolers) addicted to pornography. Every Woman’s Battle (EWB) met weekly and discussed similar topics all promoting healthy sexuality. And just this year a few of my good friends started an Every Young Woman’s Battle group for our high school girls. I understand and appreciate the role of a church and its place and responsibility in this area of our lives.
We were able to meet (all 350 people) at Parkway Chateau (attached to the Brat Stop) this past Sunday. And, while the location of service this week is still undetermined, Dave was right when he reminded us that “the church isn’t made up of the walls around it, but the people in it.” I live in confident hope that God has an awesome plan for this church. The heart of the plant team is huge. I believe their intentions are legit and rooted deep in Scripture. I’m excited to see what God does as he continues to challenge this community in ways expected when starting out---- like getting to know new people, and in fun little detours---like finding new buildings in less than 2 days!
If you’re interested, here’s the article that ran in the Kenosha News on Sunday. I enjoy the responses from people. The good. The bad. The absolutely ridiculous!

http://www.kenoshanews.com/news/unified_boots_out_church_over_flier_4290987.html

Baby It's Cold Outside! SERIOUSLY!

2009-01-15T00:06:00.003-06:00

In the past couple weeks, I’ve been both overwhelmingly inspired to write things and, at the same time, at a loss for any words worth jotting. So many things have taken place that are worth writing about. Yet, as I sit here, I have nothing articulate or inspiring to throw down. I will say this:

Our week spent in Chicago was absolutely nothing short of AMAZING. My heart was beyond happy to spend an entire week with some the Group’s finest people. While we had a blast playing some intense games of sardines and even more intense games of Mafia, we also poured our mind, soul, and sweat (ok, not too much sweat) into serving the people of Chicago. Serving at the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless, Pacific Garden Mission, Inner City Impact, and Breakthrough Urban Ministries we got a glimpse into some of the organizations that are committed to making a difference in so many people’s lives. It was an honor to get to be a part of something bigger than ourselves for those days.

For me, Friday was the most impactful day. We simply made lunches and headed into the city to serve the homeless, and if fortunate, get the opportunity (like last year’s unforgettable encounter with Larry) to sit down and chat for awhile. My “crew” -Luke, Evan, Steph B, and I- met Tammy. A 43 year old woman on the street, Tammy was the most beautiful, refreshingly honest, articulate, passionate, addicted, spiritual, homeless person I’ve ever met. (okay, I haven’t met too many- but she was, no-the-less, all of the above!) While we sat at McDonalds and listened to Tammy share her story, I realized many things. Although Tammy’s sin has left her to beg on the streets of the city, there isn’t much else that sets her and I apart. Tammy was telling us about how she was on her knees praying to God on New Year’s Eve- praying for strength, for healing, for love, for understanding. I saw Tammy that day. I looked into her eyes and felt her pain, her frustration, her longing to fully understand how just how beautiful she is in the eyes of her Father. I myself had spent the night before in a quiet corner of the church on my knees praying for the exact same things. Tammy does have an apartment. She shares it with her fiancé who has remained sober since they met in rehab 5 years ago. Tammy relapsed last year. I pray for her daily. I know (and she knows it too) that God has such an awesome plan for her future. She faces many battles ahead but she will overcome.

Side note: Friday ended with me throwing up in a very nasty public restroom at Gino’s Pizza after taking a wheatgrass shot on an empty stomach: note to self- that was dumb!!!

I am forever in love with, and grateful for, all of my Group friends. It was so powerful and refreshing to get to come together on our own terms. A week together did all the things it was supposed to- created unforgettable memories (most to become inside jokes for years to come), impacted our spiritual lives, refreshed us, reached out to others, and formed “THE BOARD” (whom from now on will make all executive decisions and mistakes….Don’t worry- Luke, Setrak, and I have got this under control!!) …..SEE- inside jokes! Setrak, Luke, Ashley, And I made it to Navy Pier at 11:56 on New Year's Eve. Turns our Southwest flies into Midway. "The Board" went to O'Hare!!

CHINATOWN!!!

^^^^ some of Group's finest^^^^

What else!?!? Last weekend was AMAZING too!! Although the weather made for a bit of a giant inconvenience, we managed to make it up north to Plum City for family Christmas at the farm. Dad and I left Saturday morning at 9am, arriving at 3- just in time to heat up some leftovers and sit down for gift opening. The day was spent with family- laughing, playing cards, and catching up; always a good time.
And then, on Sunday, I got to go to Eau Claire. (insert glorious Alleluia music here) I hadn’t been back since the end of October. When you love a place and its people so much, 2+ months can feel like a lifetime. While I was only able to spend a quick 5 hours in town, it was the best 5 hours I’ve spent in the longest time! At 9am, I picked up Amber- a 16 year old girl that I’ve mentored over the years. We went to Valleybrook for service. Sneaking in after it started (at 9- not 9:15 like it used to!) no one really noticed that I was in town. Afterwards I was flooded with wonderful hugs and smiles. Being there reminded me that I was, not too long ago, someone to somebody. Amber and I left during 2nd service to talk and to run a quick errand at the mall. I was able to give her some solid life advice (speaking powerful truth) and then gave her some fashion advice, buying her a few things to inspire a healthy change. There are a handful of people she trusts in her life, and while I’m tough on her, it’s awesome to know that she still feels the love and knows that I believe in her. After an amazing (and bargain-filled) power shop stop, we met back up with people at Valleybrook and headed over to Water Street for lunch. A bunch of the pastors, wives, and kids came as well as some students and friends. I’m telling ya- this girl was feelin’ the love! There are many days I feel the warmth of a tear on my cheek because I miss them so much. This time, I got to feel the warmth in my heart because I was reminded of all the love that is shared even through the distance. I’ll hopefully be going back up at the end of the month for our winter retreat. The thought of an entire week there is overwhelming and wonderful!! God willing

In other news (funny how I had nothing to say when I started!!)

TOMORROW IS A ‘SNOW’ DAY!!! WOOOWHOOOO!! This girl gets a paid day off. It’s not even a snow day- it’s a “the air is going to be too flippin’ cold to even think of allowing kids to stand at bus stops so we’ll just call the whole thing off now so people don’t have to go to bed wondering if they will or won’t have to go” day! Temperatures are supposed to drop to below -30 degrees. While the weather is the #1 reason why I want to move south, I do appreciate getting a free day on its behalf.
I will spend the entire day at the library working on my certification. So, on that note, (a way longer one than I intended) I’m off to bed. Chances are I’ll sleep in anyways. A warm bed will be a hard thing to leave behind to face a bitter cold day.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2008-12-27T21:23:00.008-06:00

Christmas has come and gone again. I hope you experienced a day full of laughter and love shared among friends and family. Our day here at the Herbert residence was wonderful. We opened gifts as a family in the morning, shared lunch together, and then spent the rest of the evening with my grandma, aunt, and cousins. There were several games of UNO Flash played, many cookies consumed, and Christmas dinner eaten in the bathroom while I straightened Sara's hair and Stacie painted her toes...for no good reason really! It was a fun day- perhaps best experienced, now, through the pictures snapped to capture the moments forever.

The Herbert Sisters

ALWAYS classy........

Or not!

The Ennis Family

Sara didn't actually give me tampons.

She just felt it necessary to wrap my gift in the box.

Dad got a remote control helicopter.

Just what he's always wanted!!!

and then he crashed it into a snowbank!

Oh, you know, just a self portrait.

(this is one of about 20 taken)

My mom gave the dogs my Christmas bear!

Good thing it was entertaining.

The Mankowski Kids. <3Playing UNO Flash.

Quality fun for everyone.

never a dull day

2008-12-10T19:45:00.002-06:00

Well, it's pretty safe to say that I will never have another boring weekday afternoon again. My job is going well. I certainly have my moments when I ask myself 'what the heck did I agree to?' But, for the most part, I'm really happy and excited that I'm in the classroom. The kids are quickly finding their own special ways into every part of my heart. I walked into the classroom today and about 8 kids ran up yelling "Miss Stephanie! Miss Stephanie!" as they wrapped their tiny little arms around my legs, I heard one girl say "Miss Stephanie, we love you!"
I was asked about 10 times yesterday "Miss Stephanie, are you really our teacher?" I started believing it around "yes" #9. It was also show 'n tell yesterday. Madison forgot to bring something in. It's okay. She decided to just show us her extra set of clothes she had with her (it was picture day and all the girls were in fluffy dresses). She showed us her soccer sweat pants, her cool matching shirt, and then, yes, her extra pair of underwear. LOL. hilarious. a girl with no shame. I love her.
And today, as Miss Elizabeth read us a story, Devon sat cozily in my lap. At one point he turned around and pointed at me. And said "my mommy has some of those." I said, "oh, a pretty necklace." Devon shook his head and poked my boob- "those." ahahaha.
I have a handful of students with learning and behavior issues of one kind or another. There are definitely going to be some challenges. But the opportunity for me to grow and learn is so great and I believe in each one of my students with all I've got. It's an interesting chapter in life. I have absolutely no idea where it will lead, and for the first time, when it will end.

Tomorrow night is our Christmas program. It'll be a great time to meet some of the parents, the other teachers, and SANTA!!

and let me last mention that I, of all people, managed to find a job that still allows me to sleep 'til 10am.
That's right. be jealous. (until i start pulling the early morning Starbucks shifts)

Manamana

2008-12-05T07:07:00.003-06:00

This is either a dawning of a new day or a rarity- but, I my friends, am awake. (in more senses than one) But today, I simply mean its 6:30am and my eyes are actually, physically open. I don’t even have to leave for work until 8:30. I KNOW. I’m sitting here, my hands wrapped around a hot cup of coffee, letting the steam rise to warm my nose, and blogging. Who the crap am I?!

I worked in Vernon Hills yesterday and was exhausted when I got home. I fell asleep on the couch watching Greys at 8:30 and never moved. I didn’t see the ending and I didn’t get to see Barbara Walters talk to the 10 most influential people of ’08. I slept in my work clothes. I know- ridiculous; but probably a good thing because it’s supposed to be in the negative degrees today. I’m definitely not in the mood to go back into work. It was much more exciting when it was my only income and a lifeline for my survival. But the people are great. I’m getting a bunch of awesome product, and its temporary employment. I’ll survive.

I start teaching/orientation on Tuesday for my job at the daycare. I’m hopeful. I don’t really know what to expect. There are so many thoughts when starting a new job. Will I be good? Will the kids like me? Will I like my co-workers? Will they like me? Where will this opportunity lead? But then I remember- God’s already got the whole story written and he hasn’t left me disappointed yet. I’m sure I’ll have my days. Who doesn’t? But I’ve chosen something I believe in and can be passionate about. It might not move me out of my parent’s house as soon as I’d hoped (but that’s what the early shift at Starbucks if for! Imagine me- up at 4:30 am. LOL. There will certainly be no blogs then!)
Today this is special. Next month, I’ll probably be ticked to have to wake up before the sun. I’ll choose to enjoy today.

Have a good one.
In hope. In joy. In love. In Christ.

Miss Stephanie Enters the Real World

2008-12-02T12:36:00.002-06:00

I just accepted a job teaching Pre-K at a school here in Kenosha. I start Tuesday. YIKES! I guess I’ll enjoy my last day of FREEDOM. I’m working down near Chicago again Thur-Sun at Learning Resources. They develop and sell educational toys and teacher resources- how appropriate- I’ll even get to work for product one day. And on Mondays I’ve been watching twin 1yr olds from 7-5. I’ll definitely miss these days. But I’m very excited and ready to take on this new challenge. I think, more than anything, it will be an awesome learning experience for me. And I’ll make sure the kids learn a thing or two along the way!

Thanks be to God.

2008-11-28T00:42:00.005-06:00

This should be a really obvious post. There are, of course, so many things I am grateful for. Today, although for some reason it didn’t feel like a holiday, I found myself in shallow reflection at random times thinking about all the things I’ve been so thankful for this past year. As I’ve sat down to list some of them, I realize that the list runs so long and so deep. This past year has shaped me as a person- perhaps more than any year I’ve ever lived. I have so much to be thankful for and I shout praised unto God for all the blessings He’s given me. Even here, at the end of my rope, I know there is so much of God and His rule in my life. I could not be more content.

Today is a designated day to give thanks. But I am so thankful everyday I reflect upon my past and look, with joyful hope, into my future.

I’m grateful for
Great final times at 402.5 - amazing college roommates are literally 1 in a million and I was beyond blessed to get to spend some of the greatest years with such amazing people. I am grateful for the moments (of all kinds) that we got to share.

Graduation- there were many days I feared I’d never see the day. But, thank the gracious God above; I made it (with honors….sort of)!

The Clymer Family- You will probably never know how deeply you’ve impacted my life. But when I find myself still coming to tears when I think about how much I love and miss you- I know I’m forever indebted. You took a risk on me; a risk that- somehow, someday - will pay off. I am so thankful for your grace and peace as I started out on this rocky road of self discovery. Thank you for believing in me. I love you.

My entire Valleybrook family- In so many ways you made it SO VERY hard to leave Eau Claire- but at the same time, I have never felt so encouraged and loved as I stepped forward into the life God has called to live.

The Summer of ’08- this could be a book in itself (and maybe someday it will be….ashley!) For crew dynamics. Justin, Renee, and Aaron- I can’t imagine sharing this summer with any other crazy Groupies. There are so many things I doubted I’d be thankful for. But in reflection, I know I am so appreciative of the “opportunities” I was presented with throughout the summer. I’m grateful for Racine, Wakpala, and Mission and all the wonderful people of the communities. For having a camp so close to home, and in the middle-of-no-where South Dakota. For Native Americans and their willingness to share their culture. And for the education I received through life experience. For the Wrangler Inn, Mo-Rest and some great nights of laughter, sickness (Emetrol!!), and sleep. For Friday night evacuations and National Guard Armories. And, of course, roll-over accidents (and all that is encompassed in that and runs so deep in my being now) For apologies, forgiveness, and lessons learned. For a spur-of-the-moment decision that resulted in an extra road trip and time with friends. And in all of this, I’m most thankful for all the people God has brought into my life through my time at Group. I have developed some of the deepest, most meaningful friendships- the kind that will last forever. I can’t imagine doing life without this family- this dysfunctional yet dynamic family.

Our New Orleans trip- Not only did being there remind me of some classic time spent with Crew 2 (the “best worst day” ever) Being back and working in the community, although my contribution was small, made such a huge impact: mostly in me. That was such a unique week in my life. I was in such an uncomfortable place- having just survived and still recovering from the accident, having just left Denver and the comfort bubble of Summer Staff, and heading into so many unknown details of my future. That week was tough, so super emotional, and filled with one of the biggest breakdowns I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t think I had a single thing to give that week. I was completely spent before I even got off the plane (having cried the entire flight) and that first night I continued to just be drained. (maybe only one other person knows this) but I spent my first night sobbing (quite uncontrollably) alone in my room, unsure if I’d even be able to get out of bed the next morning to work on a site with our students. And by grace alone, God picked me up and used me in that city and in our group. And before we even left, He began to mend me and prepare me for the future. How flippin’ cool!

For unemployment- not even kidding. I'm learning some of the coolest lessons during this season. It isn’t always obvious, and I’m not always delightful, but I’m certainly very thankful. To be in a place of near complete dependence can teach lessons that no other place in life offers. But I’m thankful, too, that I’ve been able to continue to make ends meet. God is so great that without a job, I am able to always have enough money in my account to pay my monthly bills. (not that I want to live like this for much longer) but I’d been pretty cool to babysit, temp, cut grass, and take care of 94 year olds enough to remain out of debt. (this method is, of course, not highly recommended!)

I’m so very thankful for my parents- Again, what a huge risk you’ve taken on me. To continue the journey of self discovery under a roof that, although I don’t want to stay under for very long, provides such an abundance of encouragement, support, and love. I don’t make it easy; I know. But I am thankful for the adjustments and the sacrifices you make to help me during this time. I promise it’ll payoff someday (someway, somehow). I love you.

And for my sisters- You’ve always gone before me. You set the most wonderful examples and I’m so very lucky to have such positive role models in my life. To know that no question or circumstance I encounter is ever too ridiculous to discuss with you means the world. I am so grateful for your love and support. And the belief you both have in me- that I’m good enough. I love you.

I’m thankful for Kenosha and the longtime friendship that gets to be re-flourished here. For a new church community that I’m confident will, in a new way, fill the void of community I so desperately need after leaving Valleybrook. For interviews, empty promises, rejection, and the insight I’ve gained through it all. For my cousins, aunt, and grandma- I hardly understand the situation, but I know there is genuine love shared among us, and so I continue to hope that love would work like a magnet.

I could go on forever. More than anything, I am thankful for my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I wouldn’t have imagined that it could be this intimate and rewarding. But God’s this big- to give me so much in the perfect ways only He knows how. I didn’t always know this. And I certainly didn’t always see it this way. But this year, in particular, has been different. I am different- as in Holy. Set apart. Truly a Hairy Sparrow.

And now, I must sleep. (everyone knows how extremely grateful I am for sleep of any capacity in any facility!!) My sister will be here at 4:30am to pick mom and me up for a traditional morning of insanely nonsensical shopping. (although, with no money, I’m really only going to save tradition)

I pray that God continues to bless you and that you remember to be content and grateful whatever the circumstances because His timing is perfect and He, alone, knows what’s best.

2008-11-13T15:58:00.003-06:00

i don't really need to write anything to accompany this picture...
but i will say that, after receiving a rejection letter today from a job i really wanted, i am reminded of this day. and i know that God's still got me. and He's made this promise.

so i continue to live in confident hope (and a little confusion)
but mostly hope
:-)

2008-11-12T23:33:00.003-06:00

picnik.com

2008-11-12T02:32:00.016-06:00

so, i started PICNIKing today.
if i thought i wasn't productive before, there is absolutely no hope anymore!!
between dinkin' around on a new blog layout yesterday, and this today, i have spent far too much time online- and consequently not enough time doing the things i should.
o well. once i started, i just couldn't stop! i worked on all wedding pics. i wanted to make sure if i was wasting my time, others would benefit from it too!!
i thought i'd share them here too. i'm pretty stinkin' proud.

the renewed life is the key!

2008-11-10T16:24:00.001-06:00

O MY!!! How did I miss this opportunity. I have found my calling. I am going to praise God with my song and dance- bringing joy to many.

ahahaha.

where the heck did they find these people? MickeyMouse Land!

hhhonestly.

'tis the season

2008-11-06T01:35:00.000-06:00

As everyone else is starting to prepare for the holiday season, I’ve been living in a very important season of my own- that of preparation. And believe me; I’m learning more about the ‘reason for the season’ with each passing day.

After returning home from a less-than-typical summer on staff, I went back to Eau Claire with some fresh perspectives on life and what I’d do with the generous gift of survival I had received. I was at a place spiritually where I could hear God’s plan muffled in the background, but I was too stubborn to take my fingers outta my ears and truly listen to Him speak.

God is fathering me. And like a good father, He always wants what is best for His child. I know the place he wanted to take me wasn’t a punishment, but I didn’t perceive Him call me back to Kenosha to be a great gift either.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents bought my sisters and I a trampoline for Christmas. I remember seeing the giant box in the garage one day. But, because it wasn’t assembled, I didn’t think twice, and had no idea what it was. That trampoline was all we wanted that year. It was going to be fun, probably purple, and the greatest gift we thought we’d ever receive in our whole lives! But on Christmas morning, there was no trampoline under the tree…errr—set up in the backyard. We weren’t even bad that year! But the trampoline got taken back to the store. My parents had heard about some kids getting paralyzed due to injuries obtained from falls off the toy, and returned it. I’m sure we said some ridiculous things to try’n persuade our parents to reconsider. “We will be careful. We will share. We won’t even bounce on it! We just want it! Please. Please. Please. Please- with a cherry on top!! PLEASE!” But there has never been a purple trampoline in our backyard.

When I knew God’s plan was to take me away from Eau Claire, I acted like a 4th grader all over again. I bargained. I promised I’d behave, promised I’d read my Bible more, promised I’d truly care about our ministry there. I cried. I yelled. I pleaded. But, like a good father, God was patient with me. Waiting for me to listen and agree with His perfect plan. I believe God is compassionate. I know he wants what’s absolutely best for me.

We certainly didn’t see it at the time, but our parents took that trampoline back out of love. They knew it was a gift that we’d enjoy and appreciate, but they also knew that it was a gift that could potentially hurt us. They had the power and authority to protect us from harm, and they used it. And, although the lesson hasn’t fully been learned, I know God took me out of Eau Claire because He loves me and has a better plan for my future “…plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future”

So here I am in Kenosha. It has been a month FULL of trials and triumphs.

This is the first time in my entire life that I am without a label that
automatically places me in a social network. (Facebook doesn’t count!) I am not a student, nor an employee. I am not a Valleybrooker, or a resident at 402.5. My roommates are now in their 50s and it is no longer acceptable to drink alcohol at lunchtime (although, I’ve thought about it a couple times!) I don’t have a group of High Schoolers to hang out with and encourage. I no longer lead a ministry team. I live in an attic. I was offered a job, and then the person who was supposed to leave decided to stay (not the first time this has happened to me tho). I sleep ‘til at least 10 on most days, and I’m excited on days when I have to run an errand for my mom and she leave $5 on the table. I have no money. I have attended 5 different churches in the area, and still haven’t found ‘the one.’ On Monday, I was going to be a preschool teacher. On Tuesday, I decided to use my degree and work for corporate America. Wednesday, I wanted to be a full-time nanny- but then I got a call for an interview at SC Johnson and have decided this is exactly what I want. If I don’t get the job, I’ll be back at square-1 again, probably deciding to run away- which I usually consider every Friday afternoon.

But through all the trials, there is most certainly triumph. I am learning what it looks like to live completely dependent on God. I don’t have the crutch of school, ministry, or work to cling to right now. And somehow, I believe God planned it just this way. In being stripped of all the labels, I am only one thing- A Christian. And while there is no such thing as a ‘good Christian,’ I am learning more and more each day about God’s love for me, and am experiencing greater trust, resulting in greater intimacy, with the who loves perfectly.

So, yes, during many days of this season, I have found myself wondering WHEN, WHERE, and WHAT God is going to do with this life I’m living. But I wouldn’t give up this time of preparation for anything. I have learned too many invaluable lessons. And if God needed me to be uninvolved and less distracted by the things of this world so that He could speak into my life and get close enough to captivate me again, then AMEN. I agree.

Own that ponytail. Work that up-do

2008-10-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

I needed to laugh today.
Maybe you do to!

if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

2008-10-04T02:24:00.000-05:00

I’ve been in a pit all week. Sara’s wedding was beautiful (minus the arson) and it was great having family and friends around. But, once it was all over and they left, I found myself facing the reality that I no longer have an excuse to avoid the reality that I am unemployed and living at my parent’s house. So, I’ve slept ‘til noon almost every day, not showered on a regular basis, and worn sweats 24/7.

Yesterday, I was reminded by a good friend that I, more than most people, understand the reality that you never know when you won’t be here- it definitely snapped me back to reality.
So today, while I still slept ‘til noon (on accident, really), I woke up determined to make something of this day. I actually put on jeans and some jewelry, did my make-up, and packed up my laptop to head down to a coffee shop downtown to work on my Resume.

There are a couple things I absolutely LOVE about being back in Kenosha. Lake Michigan comes in at the top of the list. It’s ‘my place.’ And on days like today, when the hot sun shines down mixing with the cool air, and the waves crash against the rocks of the shore in a sparkling spectacle, I am in awe that God spoils us with the beauty of His creation.

I just stood for, what seemed like forever, on a pathway that was built over the water, watching the waves, feeling the mist, and waiting for the occasional fish flop out of the freezing water. I had my Ipod in one ear, wanting to hear the words of “He Loves Us” and the crashing of the waves, in beautiful unison. For those moments, I was just still. Just being. Just here. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that it’s chilly out. That I don’t live in Georgia. That I don’t have a job. That I have to work on my Resume and face my insecurities to get a job. That I live at home. That I’m not in Eau Claire. That I no longer belong to a church. That I have little money left. It was a moment just filled with appreciation and awe for God. And it was as beautiful as the day He’s given me.

Oh, and, after I left my spot- A super old lady, with that old lady formaldehyde smell, approached me with some reading materials and asked me if I knew about the end times. I let Helen talk at me for a solid 15 minutes. I like the Bible. I like old people. I had absolutely nothing better to do. And now I’m more educated about Jehovah witnesses!

What a lovely afternoon.

3 o'clock

2008-09-14T23:57:00.000-05:00

During this season of preparation in my life, I've had the most wonderful pleasure of being a 'basement dweller' at the Clymer residence. I've had a ton of time to think. Mostly about my future. Or my sisters wedding. occasionally work. and sometimes what I'll have for lunch.
And, every once in a while, I'll be blessed to have such a profound thought as I did the other day.
You see, Selah is 2 and she's just started to potty train. It is all the entertainment you could ask for. She runs around naked 70% of the time and the other morning at breakfast she looked up at me and, in the most adorable way, said "Stephie- OOPSIES!" as a puddle of pee trickled onto the kitchen chair. She has the cutest little monkey undies and I affectionately call her 'monkey butt.' Every time she does manage to make it to her potty chair, we applaud and cheer with great enthusiasm. One day last week, Selah pooped in the potty! I was downstairs napping. But I woke up to the most celebrated crap in the history of the planet.
It just made me think--When did it become unacceptable to run around naked 70% of the time and why the heck does nobody ever throw me a party when I poop!?!
I just wanna know.
Katie reminded me the whole naked ended in the the garden---I said "well what happened to faith like a child"
:)
(oh, and, you should only be so lucky to know why this blog is titled 3 o'clock. feel special if you do!)

we were meant to live

2008-09-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

I’ve wanted to share this next story for some time now. God has been working in my heart- with healing, strength, and understanding that- I’ve come to learn- only He can provide.

For the past three summers I’ve been employed by Group Workcamps Foundation as a Summer Staffer. It’s the best gig there is. It’s my mark. It’s my conversion story. I can say that the person I was at the beginning of the summer of ’06 is completely different. I am what Paul calls ‘a new creation.’ I have had the best and worst of times on staff. Felt the most alive- and the most exhausted. I’ve seen people come to know Christ, and in my journey, I’ve discovered who He’s calling me to be.

I’ve traveled with another girl and 2 guys each year. There are several crews like us that are running camps at the same time. In Ryder trucks and rental cars, we set out from Estes Park, CO to take on the country. And when we come back to Loveland each summer for exit interviews, we do something sick (and entertaining, and hilarious) we compare horror stories. Who had the hardest camp, worst volunteer, deepest flood, most lice (lol…true story) etc, etc. This summer during camp two, my crew thought we’d take the cake with a full camp (300+ campers) evacuation/relocation on Friday night during dinner. It was crazy!

The truth is we live for the struggles of our summer. It is our struggles that develop our strengths. I thrive on them, live for them, and seize the opportunity to learn from them.

But never ever in a million years could I have imagined that our summer would end the way it did. There’s so much to this story. (settle in. it’s long. go get a coffee. come back every few paragraph. But, please, let God leave a mark on your heart from what I’m about to share)

On Thursday, July 17, 2008 I wrote these words in a journal entry:

"Lord, you are unable to even be captured by words! My picture of you is so small- yet bigger than I imagined possible only 3 summers ago. From Monroe, LA to Mission, SD- you have done great things in me. And I will continue to DREAM AGAIN!

*We aren’t promised tomorrow- I know this- may I live each and every moment of my life to glorify you.*"

So, I wouldn’t usually expose my heart like this for you, but this entry plays a HUGE part in this story. So, there it is.

I wrote this on Thursday night of my last camp on staff. Friday night, about a half hour before our last program (which requires celebratory spirits) I got a call from my sister that a dear couple my crew had gotten to know over the summer was killed in a car accident on their way back from camp. What a blow! It knocked everything out of Renee and I. How? Why? What? I had to call my sister back to make sure she said what I really heard. I went through that last program feeling pretty numb. Avoiding eye contact with Renee and dreading telling our guys later that night. All with a giant plastered smile on my face for the campers and volunteers. It was awful.

Let me tell you something. As I stood in that gym, wanting to be able sing and dance and laugh with all my being, I knew God needed me to stop and process what had happened. And I did.
Jimmy and Laura were vendors at our camps. We were in South Dakota, and they came to sell their authentic Native American jewelry. They came to our 2nd and then 3rd camps and had been at my sisters camp during week 1. We had got to know them pretty well. Jimmy would wear his camp T-shirt, try to give me free jewelry, and constantly thank me for having him there. I’d, in return, thank him for coming. He always replied, “No, Thank you! We love these kids!” He and Laura were absolutely beautiful people. I’ll never ever forget their spirits. I never want to.

I remember thinking one day, as Laura tried to give me a free necklace, ‘how can they make a living just making and selling jewelry? How does this work? What kind of lifestyle does it allow?’ Not to mention that they traveled from camp to camp, and gas probably took all their earnings. I didn’t understand. And yet, they wanted to give freely to me. I of course, paid $20 for one of the pieces I got. And Friday night as I listened and looked for the lesson in their death- I found it. Spelt out, it seems simple- but it has had a profound impact on my life.

The money we gave them for the jewelry all of a sudden meant absolutely nothing. The only thing left was the legacy of them and the imprints they put on all of our hearts and a piece of jewelry to remind me, should I forget, of one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned.
I was struggling that week with some life choices. Camps were wrapping up, and I knew that I had to start making plans for my future. I knew God would guide me, but I still was (and currently am) so curious to know His plans. He revealed a giant chunk of the picture that night.
It will never matter how much money I make. That means nothing to Him. It’s not what I do, but who I am that concerns Him. He only cares about my heart. (I had known this truth before, but had not seen it so blatantly obvious as I do now)

I know I am blessed to have known Jimmy and Laura. I pray for their family, as they deal with the tragic loss of their loved ones. But, I can’t help but rejoice at the same time. They live on in the lessons they have taught us. I am forever grateful to them.

And so the story continues-
(just remember it’s taking me 10x longer to write it than it does for you to read)

This was Friday night. By the time we got campers off to bed, had crew devos, and finished paperwork and packing, there wasn’t much time (if any) for sleep. I think I got about 20 minutes while I hid on the floor in the corner of the office at about 7am. Justin, Renee, and Aaron were able to get a little bit though. I had groups checking out at 4am, so sleeping was more of a hassle, than a help- it’s just part of the gig.

Saturday mornings are always tough- saying goodbye to staff, cleaning the school, gathering personal belongings- all while your body screams to let it lie down. (At least this is how I generally feel) We were out of our school by around noon. Just the 4 of us ready to ‘hit’ the road.

All morning I was praying for, and thinking about, Jimmy and Laura. I just couldn’t wrap my thoughts around how you could be driving down the road one minute- and be dead the next. I couldn’t get over how horrific an experience like that had to have been, and I was sad that my friends had to go through it. As I hopped up into the Ryder’s cab that afternoon, I tossed up a quick prayer- “God, I just really feel like we need your protection today. Please be with us on the road.”

We stopped at the only place to get lunch in town- the grocery store deli and took our lunch on the road- Aaron and I leading in the Ryder and Renee and Justin in the car behind us. Our plan was to make it to Rapid City, SD- about 2 hours away. We wanted to stay at a church with a youth group and go to a Toby Mac Concert that night.

We finished our lunch (Fish sandwiches), and I turned towards Aaron settling into my pink pillow. I said, “You good? ‘Cause I’m about to pass out.” He looked at me and, with complete confidence said, “I feel really good. Better than I have on other travel days. We’re good. Sleep.” So, I did.

I was woken up about 45 minutes later to Aaron’s voice and the realization that something was about to go horribly wrong. Just as I opened my eyes, I saw/felt the Ryder swerve from the far right side of the two-lane HWY through and over correction to the left. As the Truck pulled left I will forever have this vision in my mind:

the pavement of the South Dakota HWY coming at the driver side door and windshield.

As we rolled, I had some really specific thoughts. I thought:
We’re doing this.
I’m still alive.
I don’t want to die.
Make it stop.
Jimmy. Laura.

We flipped one complete time- from Aaron’s side, under, and back up- landing on the tires.

(let me remind you that Renee and Justin were in the car behind us)

We came to a stop on the opposite side of the road. We looked at each other and said the obvious: “Are you ok? yea.” Are you ok? yea.” And then, leave it to me to verbalize the most ridiculous observation: “There’s tarter sauce on the ceiling.” (fish sandwiches, remember). Then reality started to set it. Justin and Renee were running towards us from the car. (I’d find out later, that Renee became paralyzed in fear that we were dead and had to wait to see movement before she could continue toward us).

We got out of the cab and the first thing I noticed were some bins we had used all summer for foot washing that were now next to my door. I thought ‘oh, the back door came open.’ As, you’ll see, it was a bit more severe than that. I looked up and just gasped. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Justin embraced me, and I just held on tight. All I could say was, “what just happened? what just happened?” He just assured me that I was ok. over and over again.

A very nice couple had stopped and was tending to us. Aaron had some large shards of glass in his arm. I remember the lady using a water bottle to rinse his wounds. Bless their hearts. I wish I could thank them for being so kind.

The world, at this point, was spinning around me. I had absolutely no idea what had caused us to do what we just did. (I’d later find out that Aaron fell asleep.) We both walked away, but I was quickly stricken with intense abdominal pain. My seatbelt saved my life, but I would spend the next few hours worried that it could have caused major internal injuries.

Let me remind you that we were in South Dakota, Middle of absolutely nowhere, USA. A reservation officer showed up soon after the accident- but don’t ask me what he did. I think he might have questioned us. I don’t remember. But he didn’t issue a ticket or anything. I waited in the car for the ambulance to show up (Justin broke the news to me that it would be about 30-45 minutes). I told them to have a chopper flown in. What was wrong with these people! I called my mom. Had to give the whole, “I think we’re okay, but just so you know…” dreadful. All the while, not wanting to alarm anyone, my abdominal pain was so intense I was certain that I was going to burst. I thought ‘you always hear the stories of the people who walk away and then their stomach bursts and that’s that. It could happen to me. God don’t let that happen to me.’ I remained surprising calm thought. I prayed a lot. I’m not sure my prayers made sense at the time. But I knew God knew what I meant and what I needed.

We were transported to a ‘hospital’ in Martin, SD. When we arrived, they asked if we were the motorcycle accident. ha. o crap. Our doctor was old. like 80. and British. you have no idea how surreal this all was. I told them I was worried about internal bleeding and he just kind of shrugged and said “I don’t think so.” lol. (I had CTs and real doctor appointments back in Colorado. no worries…anymore) We were released after a couple hours. Me with some Vicodin and Aaron some stitches.

We continued on to Rapid City. I slept in the front seat. My body was so absolutely ticked at me by this point. I was going on about an hour of sleep and, you know, some trauma. Some of our leadership staff was able to meet us at our hotel. It was so great to see some familiar faces. We were just 4 scared kids out there all alone. We prayed and hugged. And then, we went to Wal-mart to get the essentials. All of our luggage was now at a towing company in Kadoka, SD.

We saw one of our youth groups at Wal-mart. They were complaining about how they got lost for two hours that afternoon. LOL. We, of course, plastered on our fake smiles and said that was a bummer (all while giving each other ‘the look’)

We were in really good spirits. We were just so absolutely grateful to be ALIVE. I spent the next few days in intense pain. I couldn’t move or laugh without being in pain. My entire stomach was a mess of purple/black/blue /yellow bruising. But we continued on. We even went to a Switchfoot concert the next night- we really just wanted to be normal again. Another crew met up with us and loaded our things into their truck. We went to Mount Rushmore. It was nuts. I can’t believe this is now my story.

It’s taken some time to process everything. It’s over a month later, and I still think about it every day. I have chiropractic appointments and massage therapy nearly every day. It's a hassle, and I get frustrated. No one can tell you how to emotionally deal with something like this. And no one seems to quite understand. (unless you've had a tree fall on your house) ;-) I just wanted someone to wrap me up in their arms and tell me I would be ok. (I mean, good thing I’ve got God).

There are so many things that could/should have gone wrong that day:::
There was no oncoming traffic.
We flipped once. – anymore and the cab would have suffered more damage- and consequently, we would have too.
There was a portion of 2x4 in the cab with us- it bruised my leg- it could have hit me in the head.
Renee almost offered to ride in the Ryder that afternoon. She said she probably wouldn’t have put her seatbelt on.
We had an open bag of tools in the cab with us- hammer, screw drivers- we weren’t hit or pierced by any of it.
We weren’t injured too bad- middle of nowhere- if we would have been worse off, we surely could have died waiting for help.
If Aaron wouldn’t have woken up when he did, we would have flipped into the ditch on my side. I had my back against the door. I doubt I would have survived. Who knows what would have happened.
WE COULD HAVE DIED.

I’ve learned a lot from all of this. And God continues to show me daily why I went through it.

I’ve learned that God is HUGE. (remember my journal entry). I knew this. But He showed me. And I now truly believe that we aren’t promised tomorrow. Just because I survived yesterday doesn’t mean I will today. Each and every moment matters.

I learned a GIANT lesson in forgiveness. I know that what Aaron did could have happened to any one of us. It’s been tough though. I keep replaying the dialogue we had right before I fell asleep. He gave me his word. How many times do we give God our word and then mess up? We’re human. Grace and Peace. Aaron hasn’t apologized yet. I’m not sure he ever will. I have to be okay with that. I believe he’s sorry. I forgive him. (more for my own good than his, I think)

I learned that God has a plan for my future. Again- thought I knew this before: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. If God was done using me here on earth, he could have taken me home that day. I could have died on that highway. I didn’t. Apparently He still has plans for me here. And I’m excited to see them unfold, should I be blessed to have another tomorrow.

The truth is, sometimes we need things like this to wake us up. I’m thankful I lived. I’m grateful I’ve learned. If you’ve walked with me during this season, THANK YOU. If you were there to encourage me, to tell me I’d be okay, to listen to me share, or cry, or rejoice, Thank you! You mean the world to me.

There’s a song my crew listened to Over and over and over again this summer. The first line simply says this:
“There’s too many things I haven’t done yet. There’s too many sunsets I haven’t seen.”

I’m turning 23 on September 19th- Exactly 2 months after our accident…somehow I feel like there will be plenty of reason to celebrate this year.

This picture was taken right before we left camp that afternoon.

This is what the Ryder should look like. (Renee, me, Justin, Aaron)
The driver's side. His mirror came completely inside the cab.

My side.Remember what it should look like

All our stuff just plopped out onto the road.
(my office tote was demolished, and my curling iron...tear)
but i lived so...

Alive and well. @ the Switchfoot concert. in my wal-mart t-shirt.

pow-WOW

2008-09-03T02:26:00.000-05:00

ok, so, in all fairness- South Dakota wasn't all bad...

Never Say Never

2008-09-03T02:10:00.000-05:00

So, I've decided to start rockin' the blog again. There are so many major and minor things that have happened in my life since april and i hope that, in sharing with others, I can find purpose and beauty in my story as you discover it in yours.

God's teaching me a really important lesson right now: never ever (under any circumstances) say never.

I have this awful habit of vowing to never ever do things that I dislike again. But I realize that if you're only willing to except your desired outcome, you'll miss out on what God has for you (His will) - even if it means taking you back to the times and places you never thought you'd have to revisit.

Case(s) in point:

I swore -after a ridiculously long, exhausting, eventful month in South Dakota- that I'd NEVER EVER return. I rejoyced and celebrated freedom as we crossed into Wyoming on July 21st. On August 2nd I made a spontaneous decision to drive back out to Colorado from Minneapolis with two of my friends. The chosen path___ Straight through South Dakota. (Mount Rushmore is SO much more exciting the 2nd time around!!) But if I would have stuck to my guns- I would have missed out on a really amazing road trip and week spent with people I love. I never thought I'd go back through SD- let alone just 1 week later! But I wouldn't trade those memories and what God showed me in SD for anything.

I also swore that after 5 years of selling shoes at a mall I'd never ever go back. My last day of work in May was a glorious celebration. And then I came back this fall and realized that I didn't enjoy not having any cash-money-flow. Even tho I swore I'd never go back, I just worked an 8 hour shift. And in this time, it's been really great to connect with my co-workers and share in the familiarity of our friendship.

Here's the big one: the life changer:

you know what else I swore I’d never do? Move home. Guess what I’m going to do in a couple weeks. This is huge for me. I was just reading an e-mail I sent my pastor in April, and I realized that I've know this day was coming all along. God has placed home and the people there on my heart. And while there is so much of me that wants what I want (Eau Claire, Minneapolis, Atlanta...anywhere but Kenosha) I know that this is one of the most obedient/mature thing I've ever done.
Look at the Bible: nobody gets their desired outcome. Daniel. Peter. Paul. Shadrak, Meshach, Abednego. Nobody’s lives turned out the way they thought they would. But when they lost their dream (their desired outcomes) they were invited, through their relationship with The Creator, to inherit more and better life than they'd ever dreamed. I want that. I want more and better life.

Paul stopped in Ephesus (Acts 18) and the people there begged for him to stay and teach and live with them. They loved him and he loved them. But Paul knew that he had to leave (check out my first blog…yeah) He knew that if God willed it, he’d come back to those people one day. That’s exactly how I feel about my Valleybrook family here in Eau Claire. I feel their love for me (like I’ve never known love before) and I love them from a deep place inside me. But this isn’t the time for me to stay. God has called me to Kenosha. And if I don’t go, people there will miss out on signs and wonders. He’s calling me for a reason. I don’t know what my job title will be, or how long I’ll have to live with my parents, but I know that when the Holy Spirit speaks into your heart and you obey, God will provide in abundance.

I know that I want what God wants. I know that He is who He says He is, and He’ll do what He said He’ll do. I live in this truth. I’d like to say that I’m terrified for the weeks to come. But I’m not. I’m sad, and I have to grieve what will be lost. But I rejoice knowing that God has something more and better for me than I can even begin to dream up. And so - I must leave.

And the Glory of It All....

2008-04-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

Is that HE CAME HERE!!

Whenever I get in a major funk, such as the one I mentioned yesterday, I get so caught up in it. Part of me actually likes it---that sounds crazy. but Matthew 5:3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."(Message). It's a beautiful thing when you are at the end of that rope and choose to turn to God and confide. But I'm guilty of getting comfortable at the end of my rope and telling God I'm cool just chillin' for a while and that I'll be able to pull myself up when I'm ready, before I feel like reconnecting with Him. And so, for the past few days, I did just that. I ignored God. Pretty dumb thing to do if you ask me.

But today was a better day. I was actually productive before 10am and I made an effort to make things better. And tonight- after I put the boys to bed (I'm babysitting) I popped in David Crowder and BAM --- the first song evoked those beautiful tears of Godly sorrow that I've been refusing to shed for the past couple days. What a relief. The lyrics just pierced the place in my heart that needed to know that I'm living for something bigger than myself and that "after all falls apart, He repairs."

What a beautiful moment....and I think I'm back! I'm still at the end of my rope- but now I've got more of God and His rule, and I'm content here.

Choose Your 'Tude

2008-04-02T23:25:00.001-05:00

I haven't written in a while and there's really no good reason.
I've been unusually crabby and unmotivated lately though. Which is a big bummer. I'm a firm believer in the concept that you, and only you, have the ability to control and choose your attitude. I also believe that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5. Which increases my distress and disappointment with my current state of life.

5 days. That's how many consecutive days I've chosen a bad attitude. 5! How depressing. Now, there have been some pretty great moments in the past days- JH girl's small group tonight was wonderful, I actually wrote a very good American Literature essay on Monday, Selah Rae and I had a ton of fun bumming around last night, and there were some pretty sweet April Fools . But more often than not, I've been having pretty crappy moments. The epitome of which was the delivering of the worst Junior High message I've ever given on Sunday. Thank God for grace because the words coming out of my mouth didn't feel very dynamous. And my sleep schedule- that's a mess. I can't seem to close my eyes 'til after 2:30am and consequently, they don't desire to open until after 10am- making me feel inadequate before my day even begins!

I'm about to graduate (most likely!) in just over a month. For now, I get to blame my lack of focus and overwhelming feelings of pressure on the craziness of this season in my life. But what happens if, after graduation, I find myself falling into a similar pattern? What if school isn't totally to blame? What if I really am this inadequate?

So this pretty much sounds like I've invited you to come to my PITY PARTY!! I hope you've had a lovely time. ugh. o well. some days venting just feels right.

The Good News: GRACE and PEACE and the hope of a chance to make things better tomorrow.

Dear NeNee

2008-03-21T16:33:00.001-05:00

While I was home, I also visited my little cousins. I used to babysit them every Wednesday night (and usually at least once more during the week) for, like, 6 years. Anyway, there situation is FAR from ideal. Their parents aren't together anymore and there is so much hurt and anger in thier lives.

While we were sitting at the table coloring, I wrote Jeffrey (he's in 1st grade) a note. It said something like: You are SUPER COOL. RIDICULOUSLY RAD. TOTALLY AWESOME. and I
LOVE YOU more than all the ICE CREAM in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD! I made a
similar one for Jessica. She's 4. When Jeffrey said "how about you BUY me all the ice cream in the whole world!" it was a perfect opportunity to tell him how much more important love is than the things you can buy.
As we continued to color, Jessica told me that she wanted to write me a note. Here's the result. As she wrote, she verbalize what it said. (Thank goodness because I haven't mastered the art of translating 4 year old scribble yet!) It says something like

"Dear NeNee, You are so super cool and awesome. I love you more than Disney Princesses"

I know! "AAAwwwww" right?!? Then she drew a picture that is now proudly hanging up in my office. It's of her and I.....obviously.

Honestly, the time I spent with my cousins broke my heart. They have so much potential but are in need of so much love, love that they aren't getting. After we were done coloring, Jeffrey and Jessica got in a fight and Jeffrey bit her. I took him in his room and we had a little chat. All I could see was a kid infront of me screaming out for nothing more than LOVE itself. They've been given every toy they've ever wanted and are still so empty inside. I reminded him about our earlier chat and how important love is. But "I hate my sister." is all I heard. Then when I told him it was okay for him to be angry and hurt and sad that his dad didn't live with them anymore, his little eyes welled up (and mine did too). I said "I bet no one has ever told you that before" and he just shook his head no. I told him that it was okay for him to not like what Maggie (his dad's new girlfriend) cooked for dinner. But that his dad needs her love now too. And that now, more than ever, he needs his brother and sister's love.

And now, I'm left to pray. (and I'm asking you to do the same.) I would love nothing more than to be able to live with them right now. I know that I could give them so much love. I want to love on my aunt too. She's doing her best. But she has her own battles and loving 3 kids on your own is so unimaginably hard!

Here's the biggest thing I've learned. We looked at a quote in youth group last year. We've got nifty little magnets and t-shirts as reminders. But now I see what this must look like because:

"...instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on lavishly. I hoped love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing."

^^ this is all I want. I want to pour so much love into this family that it would pull them out off all of their crap to a place of healing. I believe it can happen. I've seen it happen. I'm praying for it to happen. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to see this family become healthy.

GROW UP into your God Created Identity!

2008-03-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

So, while I was home the other day, I came across a timeline I had put together for my High School graduation party. I thought I’d share it now as I prepare to graduate again!!

Mary Helen said I was the best baby. I just ate slept and filled my diaper! Sounds about right!!

Expressing my artistic abilities.

I bet it was 3 o'clock.....and now you know me better than you probably wanted to! :)

Pigtails!!

one word- adorable!

My 5th birthday.

Who didn't have a turtle sandbox?!?!

and then we chopped the locks and put me in a melon shirt....cool. real cool.
(but, as you'll see---it'll get worse!)

We had a party. Played bingo. got some pogs. It was great! :)
3rd grade.
So, I'm pretty sure I liked the Mighty Ducks because of the movie, not because of the team. I even had a sweet MD Starter jacket!
I told you it would get worse!! I have so many questions when I look at this:
1. What did I get?!

2. What the heck am I wearing?!

3. How ridiculous are my bangs?! Oh, middle school years.
At the farm.
We thought we were hot stuff at this age.
Mittens from Prague and a sweet tan to go with them?
Dear Workcamp, I LOVE you! This was the year that I met Brooklyn and Coy Lindsey. Check out her new book Confessions of a Not-So Super Model in stores now!!

Workcamp Junior Year-Lockport,NY.

Senior Homcoming 2004. Planned by yours truly.

Freshman Year
Sophomore Year
Junior Year
Chopped the locks. Graduating. Going back for round three of Summer Staff.

I have every reason to be smiling!

God Given Talent

2008-03-14T12:51:00.000-05:00

First of all, let’s just say a quick ‘thank ya Jesus’ that the mocha (which doesn’t even taste good) I just spilt all over my keypad didn’t horribly damage my laptop…..AMEN. In the reassembling of all the keys, I did learn that f12 is the save button! That’s a fun little trick! And it looks like f9 is the only key that lost the battle and will never work the same again.

This morning I had the immense pleasure (and I’m not even being sarcastic!) to attend the Delong Middle School Variety show. Now, I must admit that when I rolled out of bed at 7:45 –the last possible minute to make it on time for the 8am show- I was less than thrilled. During a midterm week that has been cruel, sleep is a precious commodity and I wasn’t in the mood to sacrifice it; but I’m sure glad I did!

We used to have talent shows at St. Mary’s when I was little. We won’t mention how my two best friends and four others managed to put together and act in the 6th grade that excluded me, but I do have fond memories of the days in Bell Hall where stars were born----ok, not really. But it was a BIG DEAL to us- performers or not. And this morning I got that same sense from each of the students in that auditorium.

Desaree, one of my 8th grade girls, invited me to come see her dance. It was a bonus then, that I also got to see Gaby sing the National Anthem, Lacy participate in a super cool percussion act, and Trevor do a solo in the Jazz ensemble! (And the jazz band, they played Louie, Louie-aka Pharaoh, Pharaoh!!) I was blown away by the talent at this school. It probably wasn’t anything above average, but as I watch act after act, I just realized how God blesses us each with something different. There is no one that can fill your place in the world, quite like you were meant to.

We all know that Middle School can be brutal, but this morning, I was reminded how awesome it is too! It’s the one time in our lives when we get to be super awkward. Ok, you don’t really have a choice. But if you’re lucky enough to embrace it, you can shine. Each of the students in the variety show took a risk and succeeded at something. It’s a memory they’ll always have. They’ll probably look back and laugh. But they’ll also look back with pride of their accomplishment. As I stood in the back, I found an abundance of pride welling up inside me for each of them.

And then my precious Desaree came out to dance. Pride seems like such an inadequate word for how I feel. I know Desaree has a heart for God, and as I stood in the auditorium, I could only imagine how hard it must be to share Him with her peers. She took center stage, and her song came on: “Surrender” by Barlow Girl. And she was doing it- she was sharing God with her classmates through her dance. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as she gracefully danced and shared her God given talent with us. (We had a talk about the leotard she chose to wear after. You gotta guard those young boys hearts/eyes, cause they aren’t gonna do it themselves!!) But the thing is, she certainly could have chose to booty dance (I never thought I’d see 7th graders ‘walkin’ it out!’) like some of her classmates, but instead, she picked a classy form of dance and shared a piece of her heart (a big piece!) with her peers.

I’d also like to say that DeLong MS has 5 of the sickest break dancers I’ve ever seen, and one cool Karate Kid!! And the band the teachers put together was hilarious and surprisingly good!

Afterwards, I got to hang out for a long time with Des and meet a bunch of her friends. It was a really rewarding morning. I certainly have my days that I question why God would have chosen me to serve Him in such an awesome way. But today, I just get to embrace this season in my life, and it is a GLORIOUS one!

Well…almost glorious--- I’m off to take a midterm! WooWoop! and then paper write before I can start enjoying my very last SPRING BREAK!!!

Leave

2008-03-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read a book and felt as though the author wrote each line for you alone. When you’ve only read the introduction, and you know that the following 200+ pages might just change your life. And even if they don’t, the first 4 already have?!

In just this past week, I’ve been earnestly praying for God to reveal his plan for my future. I’ve been, and still am, really content with BEING STILL and knowing that HE IS GOD. I’m not worried about my life after college, but I’m definitely curious. And up until recently, I was just verbalizing my trust in God, but there was a HUGE disconnect from my head to my heart. I was, for a long time, putting a time limit on letting God figure things out. “If I don’t know by February, then I’ll start just pursuing random things.” This was my attitude. It was completely wrong and disobedient, but I just had this irrational idea that if God did make it blatantly clear where I’d be living in September 2008, then I’d just figure it out on my own!!!

Let me revisit this book I’ve mentioned. I’m sitting in a café in Menomonie grabbing a quick lunch and trying to focus on homework. I had a quiet time as my food was prepared where I thought God had revealed a great deal to me already. But then, as my food was put before me (and might I say, it was the best panini I’ve ever had!), I reached into my backpacked and decided to just let myself (instead of actually doing homework) read the Author’s Note of Donald Miller’s new book Through Painted Deserts.

I closed it, sat in reflection for a few short minutes, and decided that now is the perfect time to let you all in- to read this blog- and experience this journey with me. Because Miller has presented me with one simple word that might just change my life- and consequently yours too.

Leave.

I can securely title my blog Leave, becuase whether I move somewhere in the fall or not, I’ll still be leaving in May to travel for my 3rd summer on staff. And in reading this you’ll be able to keep up with the who’s what’s, where’s, and when’s of my travels. And if I move somewhere in the fall- well then- double bonus!!

I almost don’t know where to start to tell you how much Miller’s note resounded in me. Here’s a short (ok, it’s long- but necessary) passage that I want to share to, in some way, help you connect with what I’m realizing right now:

“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?”

^ that’s good right? And the following passage came directly after, and spoke directly to me.

“It might be time for you to go.

It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word to you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.”

I’ve felt a huge pull on my heart to do something really different after Summer Staff. What that is, I’ve yet to figure out; and by “figure out,” I mean, God has yet to reveal it to me. There are some places of interest- Georgia being the dominant one, but I don’t know what will become of that.

For now I will continue to seek truth, pursue righteousness, and know that, with God as the author of my story, I can trust him with the pen. Because, truthfully, He’s got something better for me than I can even begin to dream of, and I want to know what it is.

and so-
It all started with one simple word:

Leave.