'tis the season

As everyone else is starting to prepare for the holiday season, I’ve been living in a very important season of my own- that of preparation. And believe me; I’m learning more about the ‘reason for the season’ with each passing day.

After returning home from a less-than-typical summer on staff, I went back to Eau Claire with some fresh perspectives on life and what I’d do with the generous gift of survival I had received. I was at a place spiritually where I could hear God’s plan muffled in the background, but I was too stubborn to take my fingers outta my ears and truly listen to Him speak.

God is fathering me. And like a good father, He always wants what is best for His child. I know the place he wanted to take me wasn’t a punishment, but I didn’t perceive Him call me back to Kenosha to be a great gift either.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents bought my sisters and I a trampoline for Christmas. I remember seeing the giant box in the garage one day. But, because it wasn’t assembled, I didn’t think twice, and had no idea what it was. That trampoline was all we wanted that year. It was going to be fun, probably purple, and the greatest gift we thought we’d ever receive in our whole lives! But on Christmas morning, there was no trampoline under the tree…errr—set up in the backyard. We weren’t even bad that year! But the trampoline got taken back to the store. My parents had heard about some kids getting paralyzed due to injuries obtained from falls off the toy, and returned it. I’m sure we said some ridiculous things to try’n persuade our parents to reconsider. “We will be careful. We will share. We won’t even bounce on it! We just want it! Please. Please. Please. Please- with a cherry on top!! PLEASE!” But there has never been a purple trampoline in our backyard.

When I knew God’s plan was to take me away from Eau Claire, I acted like a 4th grader all over again. I bargained. I promised I’d behave, promised I’d read my Bible more, promised I’d truly care about our ministry there. I cried. I yelled. I pleaded. But, like a good father, God was patient with me. Waiting for me to listen and agree with His perfect plan. I believe God is compassionate. I know he wants what’s absolutely best for me.

We certainly didn’t see it at the time, but our parents took that trampoline back out of love. They knew it was a gift that we’d enjoy and appreciate, but they also knew that it was a gift that could potentially hurt us. They had the power and authority to protect us from harm, and they used it. And, although the lesson hasn’t fully been learned, I know God took me out of Eau Claire because He loves me and has a better plan for my future “…plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future”

So here I am in Kenosha. It has been a month FULL of trials and triumphs.

This is the first time in my entire life that I am without a label that
automatically places me in a social network. (Facebook doesn’t count!) I am not a student, nor an employee. I am not a Valleybrooker, or a resident at 402.5. My roommates are now in their 50s and it is no longer acceptable to drink alcohol at lunchtime (although, I’ve thought about it a couple times!) I don’t have a group of High Schoolers to hang out with and encourage. I no longer lead a ministry team. I live in an attic. I was offered a job, and then the person who was supposed to leave decided to stay (not the first time this has happened to me tho). I sleep ‘til at least 10 on most days, and I’m excited on days when I have to run an errand for my mom and she leave $5 on the table. I have no money. I have attended 5 different churches in the area, and still haven’t found ‘the one.’ On Monday, I was going to be a preschool teacher. On Tuesday, I decided to use my degree and work for corporate America. Wednesday, I wanted to be a full-time nanny- but then I got a call for an interview at SC Johnson and have decided this is exactly what I want. If I don’t get the job, I’ll be back at square-1 again, probably deciding to run away- which I usually consider every Friday afternoon.

But through all the trials, there is most certainly triumph. I am learning what it looks like to live completely dependent on God. I don’t have the crutch of school, ministry, or work to cling to right now. And somehow, I believe God planned it just this way. In being stripped of all the labels, I am only one thing- A Christian. And while there is no such thing as a ‘good Christian,’ I am learning more and more each day about God’s love for me, and am experiencing greater trust, resulting in greater intimacy, with the who loves perfectly.

So, yes, during many days of this season, I have found myself wondering WHEN, WHERE, and WHAT God is going to do with this life I’m living. But I wouldn’t give up this time of preparation for anything. I have learned too many invaluable lessons. And if God needed me to be uninvolved and less distracted by the things of this world so that He could speak into my life and get close enough to captivate me again, then AMEN. I agree.