So, I've decided to start rockin' the blog again. There are so many major and minor things that have happened in my life since april and i hope that, in sharing with others, I can find purpose and beauty in my story as you discover it in yours.
God's teaching me a really important lesson right now: never ever (under any circumstances) say never.
I have this awful habit of vowing to never ever do things that I dislike again. But I realize that if you're only willing to except your desired outcome, you'll miss out on what God has for you (His will) - even if it means taking you back to the times and places you never thought you'd have to revisit.
Case(s) in point:
I swore -after a ridiculously long, exhausting, eventful month in South Dakota- that I'd NEVER EVER return. I rejoyced and celebrated freedom as we crossed into Wyoming on July 21st. On August 2nd I made a spontaneous decision to drive back out to Colorado from Minneapolis with two of my friends. The chosen path___ Straight through South Dakota. (Mount Rushmore is SO much more exciting the 2nd time around!!) But if I would have stuck to my guns- I would have missed out on a really amazing road trip and week spent with people I love. I never thought I'd go back through SD- let alone just 1 week later! But I wouldn't trade those memories and what God showed me in SD for anything.
I also swore that after 5 years of selling shoes at a mall I'd never ever go back. My last day of work in May was a glorious celebration. And then I came back this fall and realized that I didn't enjoy not having any cash-money-flow. Even tho I swore I'd never go back, I just worked an 8 hour shift. And in this time, it's been really great to connect with my co-workers and share in the familiarity of our friendship.
Here's the big one: the life changer:
you know what else I swore I’d never do? Move home. Guess what I’m going to do in a couple weeks. This is huge for me. I was just reading an e-mail I sent my pastor in April, and I realized that I've know this day was coming all along. God has placed home and the people there on my heart. And while there is so much of me that wants what I want (Eau Claire, Minneapolis, Atlanta...anywhere but Kenosha) I know that this is one of the most obedient/mature thing I've ever done.
Look at the Bible: nobody gets their desired outcome. Daniel. Peter. Paul. Shadrak, Meshach, Abednego. Nobody’s lives turned out the way they thought they would. But when they lost their dream (their desired outcomes) they were invited, through their relationship with The Creator, to inherit more and better life than they'd ever dreamed. I want that. I want more and better life.
Paul stopped in Ephesus (Acts 18) and the people there begged for him to stay and teach and live with them. They loved him and he loved them. But Paul knew that he had to leave (check out my first blog…yeah) He knew that if God willed it, he’d come back to those people one day. That’s exactly how I feel about my Valleybrook family here in Eau Claire. I feel their love for me (like I’ve never known love before) and I love them from a deep place inside me. But this isn’t the time for me to stay. God has called me to Kenosha. And if I don’t go, people there will miss out on signs and wonders. He’s calling me for a reason. I don’t know what my job title will be, or how long I’ll have to live with my parents, but I know that when the Holy Spirit speaks into your heart and you obey, God will provide in abundance.
I know that I want what God wants. I know that He is who He says He is, and He’ll do what He said He’ll do. I live in this truth. I’d like to say that I’m terrified for the weeks to come. But I’m not. I’m sad, and I have to grieve what will be lost. But I rejoice knowing that God has something more and better for me than I can even begin to dream up. And so - I must leave.
Showing posts with label leave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leave. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Leave
Have you ever read a book and felt as though the author wrote each line for you alone. When you’ve only read the introduction, and you know that the following 200+ pages might just change your life. And even if they don’t, the first 4 already have?!
In just this past week, I’ve been earnestly praying for God to reveal his plan for my future. I’ve been, and still am, really content with BEING STILL and knowing that HE IS GOD. I’m not worried about my life after college, but I’m definitely curious. And up until recently, I was just verbalizing my trust in God, but there was a HUGE disconnect from my head to my heart. I was, for a long time, putting a time limit on letting God figure things out. “If I don’t know by February, then I’ll start just pursuing random things.” This was my attitude. It was completely wrong and disobedient, but I just had this irrational idea that if God did make it blatantly clear where I’d be living in September 2008, then I’d just figure it out on my own!!!
Let me revisit this book I’ve mentioned. I’m sitting in a café in Menomonie grabbing a quick lunch and trying to focus on homework. I had a quiet time as my food was prepared where I thought God had revealed a great deal to me already. But then, as my food was put before me (and might I say, it was the best panini I’ve ever had!), I reached into my backpacked and decided to just let myself (instead of actually doing homework) read the Author’s Note of Donald Miller’s new book Through Painted Deserts.
I closed it, sat in reflection for a few short minutes, and decided that now is the perfect time to let you all in- to read this blog- and experience this journey with me. Because Miller has presented me with one simple word that might just change my life- and consequently yours too.
Leave.
I can securely title my blog Leave, becuase whether I move somewhere in the fall or not, I’ll still be leaving in May to travel for my 3rd summer on staff. And in reading this you’ll be able to keep up with the who’s what’s, where’s, and when’s of my travels. And if I move somewhere in the fall- well then- double bonus!!
I almost don’t know where to start to tell you how much Miller’s note resounded in me. Here’s a short (ok, it’s long- but necessary) passage that I want to share to, in some way, help you connect with what I’m realizing right now:
“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?”
^ that’s good right? And the following passage came directly after, and spoke directly to me.
“It might be time for you to go.
It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word to you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.”
I’ve felt a huge pull on my heart to do something really different after Summer Staff. What that is, I’ve yet to figure out; and by “figure out,” I mean, God has yet to reveal it to me. There are some places of interest- Georgia being the dominant one, but I don’t know what will become of that.
For now I will continue to seek truth, pursue righteousness, and know that, with God as the author of my story, I can trust him with the pen. Because, truthfully, He’s got something better for me than I can even begin to dream of, and I want to know what it is.
and so-
It all started with one simple word:
Leave.
In just this past week, I’ve been earnestly praying for God to reveal his plan for my future. I’ve been, and still am, really content with BEING STILL and knowing that HE IS GOD. I’m not worried about my life after college, but I’m definitely curious. And up until recently, I was just verbalizing my trust in God, but there was a HUGE disconnect from my head to my heart. I was, for a long time, putting a time limit on letting God figure things out. “If I don’t know by February, then I’ll start just pursuing random things.” This was my attitude. It was completely wrong and disobedient, but I just had this irrational idea that if God did make it blatantly clear where I’d be living in September 2008, then I’d just figure it out on my own!!!
Let me revisit this book I’ve mentioned. I’m sitting in a café in Menomonie grabbing a quick lunch and trying to focus on homework. I had a quiet time as my food was prepared where I thought God had revealed a great deal to me already. But then, as my food was put before me (and might I say, it was the best panini I’ve ever had!), I reached into my backpacked and decided to just let myself (instead of actually doing homework) read the Author’s Note of Donald Miller’s new book Through Painted Deserts.
I closed it, sat in reflection for a few short minutes, and decided that now is the perfect time to let you all in- to read this blog- and experience this journey with me. Because Miller has presented me with one simple word that might just change my life- and consequently yours too.
Leave.
I can securely title my blog Leave, becuase whether I move somewhere in the fall or not, I’ll still be leaving in May to travel for my 3rd summer on staff. And in reading this you’ll be able to keep up with the who’s what’s, where’s, and when’s of my travels. And if I move somewhere in the fall- well then- double bonus!!
I almost don’t know where to start to tell you how much Miller’s note resounded in me. Here’s a short (ok, it’s long- but necessary) passage that I want to share to, in some way, help you connect with what I’m realizing right now:
“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?”
^ that’s good right? And the following passage came directly after, and spoke directly to me.
“It might be time for you to go.
It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word to you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.”
I’ve felt a huge pull on my heart to do something really different after Summer Staff. What that is, I’ve yet to figure out; and by “figure out,” I mean, God has yet to reveal it to me. There are some places of interest- Georgia being the dominant one, but I don’t know what will become of that.
For now I will continue to seek truth, pursue righteousness, and know that, with God as the author of my story, I can trust him with the pen. Because, truthfully, He’s got something better for me than I can even begin to dream of, and I want to know what it is.
and so-
It all started with one simple word:
Leave.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)