Is that HE CAME HERE!!
Whenever I get in a major funk, such as the one I mentioned yesterday, I get so caught up in it. Part of me actually likes it---that sounds crazy. but Matthew 5:3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."(Message). It's a beautiful thing when you are at the end of that rope and choose to turn to God and confide. But I'm guilty of getting comfortable at the end of my rope and telling God I'm cool just chillin' for a while and that I'll be able to pull myself up when I'm ready, before I feel like reconnecting with Him. And so, for the past few days, I did just that. I ignored God. Pretty dumb thing to do if you ask me.
But today was a better day. I was actually productive before 10am and I made an effort to make things better. And tonight- after I put the boys to bed (I'm babysitting) I popped in David Crowder and BAM --- the first song evoked those beautiful tears of Godly sorrow that I've been refusing to shed for the past couple days. What a relief. The lyrics just pierced the place in my heart that needed to know that I'm living for something bigger than myself and that "after all falls apart, He repairs."
What a beautiful moment....and I think I'm back! I'm still at the end of my rope- but now I've got more of God and His rule, and I'm content here.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Choose Your 'Tude
I haven't written in a while and there's really no good reason.
I've been unusually crabby and unmotivated lately though. Which is a big bummer. I'm a firm believer in the concept that you, and only you, have the ability to control and choose your attitude. I also believe that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5. Which increases my distress and disappointment with my current state of life.
5 days. That's how many consecutive days I've chosen a bad attitude. 5! How depressing. Now, there have been some pretty great moments in the past days- JH girl's small group tonight was wonderful, I actually wrote a very good American Literature essay on Monday, Selah Rae and I had a ton of fun bumming around last night, and there were some pretty sweet April Fools . But more often than not, I've been having pretty crappy moments. The epitome of which was the delivering of the worst Junior High message I've ever given on Sunday. Thank God for grace because the words coming out of my mouth didn't feel very dynamous. And my sleep schedule- that's a mess. I can't seem to close my eyes 'til after 2:30am and consequently, they don't desire to open until after 10am- making me feel inadequate before my day even begins!
I'm about to graduate (most likely!) in just over a month. For now, I get to blame my lack of focus and overwhelming feelings of pressure on the craziness of this season in my life. But what happens if, after graduation, I find myself falling into a similar pattern? What if school isn't totally to blame? What if I really am this inadequate?
So this pretty much sounds like I've invited you to come to my PITY PARTY!! I hope you've had a lovely time. ugh. o well. some days venting just feels right.
The Good News: GRACE and PEACE and the hope of a chance to make things better tomorrow.
I've been unusually crabby and unmotivated lately though. Which is a big bummer. I'm a firm believer in the concept that you, and only you, have the ability to control and choose your attitude. I also believe that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5. Which increases my distress and disappointment with my current state of life.
5 days. That's how many consecutive days I've chosen a bad attitude. 5! How depressing. Now, there have been some pretty great moments in the past days- JH girl's small group tonight was wonderful, I actually wrote a very good American Literature essay on Monday, Selah Rae and I had a ton of fun bumming around last night, and there were some pretty sweet April Fools . But more often than not, I've been having pretty crappy moments. The epitome of which was the delivering of the worst Junior High message I've ever given on Sunday. Thank God for grace because the words coming out of my mouth didn't feel very dynamous. And my sleep schedule- that's a mess. I can't seem to close my eyes 'til after 2:30am and consequently, they don't desire to open until after 10am- making me feel inadequate before my day even begins!
I'm about to graduate (most likely!) in just over a month. For now, I get to blame my lack of focus and overwhelming feelings of pressure on the craziness of this season in my life. But what happens if, after graduation, I find myself falling into a similar pattern? What if school isn't totally to blame? What if I really am this inadequate?
So this pretty much sounds like I've invited you to come to my PITY PARTY!! I hope you've had a lovely time. ugh. o well. some days venting just feels right.
The Good News: GRACE and PEACE and the hope of a chance to make things better tomorrow.
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