Never Say Never

So, I've decided to start rockin' the blog again. There are so many major and minor things that have happened in my life since april and i hope that, in sharing with others, I can find purpose and beauty in my story as you discover it in yours.

God's teaching me a really important lesson right now: never ever (under any circumstances) say never.

I have this awful habit of vowing to never ever do things that I dislike again. But I realize that if you're only willing to except your desired outcome, you'll miss out on what God has for you (His will) - even if it means taking you back to the times and places you never thought you'd have to revisit.

Case(s) in point:

I swore -after a ridiculously long, exhausting, eventful month in South Dakota- that I'd NEVER EVER return. I rejoyced and celebrated freedom as we crossed into Wyoming on July 21st. On August 2nd I made a spontaneous decision to drive back out to Colorado from Minneapolis with two of my friends. The chosen path___ Straight through South Dakota. (Mount Rushmore is SO much more exciting the 2nd time around!!) But if I would have stuck to my guns- I would have missed out on a really amazing road trip and week spent with people I love. I never thought I'd go back through SD- let alone just 1 week later! But I wouldn't trade those memories and what God showed me in SD for anything.

I also swore that after 5 years of selling shoes at a mall I'd never ever go back. My last day of work in May was a glorious celebration. And then I came back this fall and realized that I didn't enjoy not having any cash-money-flow. Even tho I swore I'd never go back, I just worked an 8 hour shift. And in this time, it's been really great to connect with my co-workers and share in the familiarity of our friendship.

Here's the big one: the life changer:

you know what else I swore I’d never do? Move home. Guess what I’m going to do in a couple weeks. This is huge for me. I was just reading an e-mail I sent my pastor in April, and I realized that I've know this day was coming all along. God has placed home and the people there on my heart. And while there is so much of me that wants what I want (Eau Claire, Minneapolis, Atlanta...anywhere but Kenosha) I know that this is one of the most obedient/mature thing I've ever done.
Look at the Bible: nobody gets their desired outcome. Daniel. Peter. Paul. Shadrak, Meshach, Abednego. Nobody’s lives turned out the way they thought they would. But when they lost their dream (their desired outcomes) they were invited, through their relationship with The Creator, to inherit more and better life than they'd ever dreamed. I want that. I want more and better life.

Paul stopped in Ephesus (Acts 18) and the people there begged for him to stay and teach and live with them. They loved him and he loved them. But Paul knew that he had to leave (check out my first blog…yeah) He knew that if God willed it, he’d come back to those people one day. That’s exactly how I feel about my Valleybrook family here in Eau Claire. I feel their love for me (like I’ve never known love before) and I love them from a deep place inside me. But this isn’t the time for me to stay. God has called me to Kenosha. And if I don’t go, people there will miss out on signs and wonders. He’s calling me for a reason. I don’t know what my job title will be, or how long I’ll have to live with my parents, but I know that when the Holy Spirit speaks into your heart and you obey, God will provide in abundance.

I know that I want what God wants. I know that He is who He says He is, and He’ll do what He said He’ll do. I live in this truth. I’d like to say that I’m terrified for the weeks to come. But I’m not. I’m sad, and I have to grieve what will be lost. But I rejoice knowing that God has something more and better for me than I can even begin to dream up. And so - I must leave.