Thanks be to God.

This should be a really obvious post. There are, of course, so many things I am grateful for. Today, although for some reason it didn’t feel like a holiday, I found myself in shallow reflection at random times thinking about all the things I’ve been so thankful for this past year. As I’ve sat down to list some of them, I realize that the list runs so long and so deep. This past year has shaped me as a person- perhaps more than any year I’ve ever lived. I have so much to be thankful for and I shout praised unto God for all the blessings He’s given me. Even here, at the end of my rope, I know there is so much of God and His rule in my life. I could not be more content.

Today is a designated day to give thanks. But I am so thankful everyday I reflect upon my past and look, with joyful hope, into my future.

I’m grateful for
Great final times at 402.5 - amazing college roommates are literally 1 in a million and I was beyond blessed to get to spend some of the greatest years with such amazing people. I am grateful for the moments (of all kinds) that we got to share.

Graduation- there were many days I feared I’d never see the day. But, thank the gracious God above; I made it (with honors….sort of)!

The Clymer Family- You will probably never know how deeply you’ve impacted my life. But when I find myself still coming to tears when I think about how much I love and miss you- I know I’m forever indebted. You took a risk on me; a risk that- somehow, someday - will pay off. I am so thankful for your grace and peace as I started out on this rocky road of self discovery. Thank you for believing in me. I love you.

My entire Valleybrook family- In so many ways you made it SO VERY hard to leave Eau Claire- but at the same time, I have never felt so encouraged and loved as I stepped forward into the life God has called to live.

The Summer of ’08- this could be a book in itself (and maybe someday it will be….ashley!) For crew dynamics. Justin, Renee, and Aaron- I can’t imagine sharing this summer with any other crazy Groupies. There are so many things I doubted I’d be thankful for. But in reflection, I know I am so appreciative of the “opportunities” I was presented with throughout the summer. I’m grateful for Racine, Wakpala, and Mission and all the wonderful people of the communities. For having a camp so close to home, and in the middle-of-no-where South Dakota. For Native Americans and their willingness to share their culture. And for the education I received through life experience. For the Wrangler Inn, Mo-Rest and some great nights of laughter, sickness (Emetrol!!), and sleep. For Friday night evacuations and National Guard Armories. And, of course, roll-over accidents (and all that is encompassed in that and runs so deep in my being now) For apologies, forgiveness, and lessons learned. For a spur-of-the-moment decision that resulted in an extra road trip and time with friends. And in all of this, I’m most thankful for all the people God has brought into my life through my time at Group. I have developed some of the deepest, most meaningful friendships- the kind that will last forever. I can’t imagine doing life without this family- this dysfunctional yet dynamic family.

Our New Orleans trip- Not only did being there remind me of some classic time spent with Crew 2 (the “best worst day” ever) Being back and working in the community, although my contribution was small, made such a huge impact: mostly in me. That was such a unique week in my life. I was in such an uncomfortable place- having just survived and still recovering from the accident, having just left Denver and the comfort bubble of Summer Staff, and heading into so many unknown details of my future. That week was tough, so super emotional, and filled with one of the biggest breakdowns I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t think I had a single thing to give that week. I was completely spent before I even got off the plane (having cried the entire flight) and that first night I continued to just be drained. (maybe only one other person knows this) but I spent my first night sobbing (quite uncontrollably) alone in my room, unsure if I’d even be able to get out of bed the next morning to work on a site with our students. And by grace alone, God picked me up and used me in that city and in our group. And before we even left, He began to mend me and prepare me for the future. How flippin’ cool!

For unemployment- not even kidding. I'm learning some of the coolest lessons during this season. It isn’t always obvious, and I’m not always delightful, but I’m certainly very thankful. To be in a place of near complete dependence can teach lessons that no other place in life offers. But I’m thankful, too, that I’ve been able to continue to make ends meet. God is so great that without a job, I am able to always have enough money in my account to pay my monthly bills. (not that I want to live like this for much longer) but I’d been pretty cool to babysit, temp, cut grass, and take care of 94 year olds enough to remain out of debt. (this method is, of course, not highly recommended!)

I’m so very thankful for my parents- Again, what a huge risk you’ve taken on me. To continue the journey of self discovery under a roof that, although I don’t want to stay under for very long, provides such an abundance of encouragement, support, and love. I don’t make it easy; I know. But I am thankful for the adjustments and the sacrifices you make to help me during this time. I promise it’ll payoff someday (someway, somehow). I love you.

And for my sisters- You’ve always gone before me. You set the most wonderful examples and I’m so very lucky to have such positive role models in my life. To know that no question or circumstance I encounter is ever too ridiculous to discuss with you means the world. I am so grateful for your love and support. And the belief you both have in me- that I’m good enough. I love you.

I’m thankful for Kenosha and the longtime friendship that gets to be re-flourished here. For a new church community that I’m confident will, in a new way, fill the void of community I so desperately need after leaving Valleybrook. For interviews, empty promises, rejection, and the insight I’ve gained through it all. For my cousins, aunt, and grandma- I hardly understand the situation, but I know there is genuine love shared among us, and so I continue to hope that love would work like a magnet.

I could go on forever. More than anything, I am thankful for my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I wouldn’t have imagined that it could be this intimate and rewarding. But God’s this big- to give me so much in the perfect ways only He knows how. I didn’t always know this. And I certainly didn’t always see it this way. But this year, in particular, has been different. I am different- as in Holy. Set apart. Truly a Hairy Sparrow.

And now, I must sleep. (everyone knows how extremely grateful I am for sleep of any capacity in any facility!!) My sister will be here at 4:30am to pick mom and me up for a traditional morning of insanely nonsensical shopping. (although, with no money, I’m really only going to save tradition)

I pray that God continues to bless you and that you remember to be content and grateful whatever the circumstances because His timing is perfect and He, alone, knows what’s best.

i don't really need to write anything to accompany this picture...
but i will say that, after receiving a rejection letter today from a job i really wanted, i am reminded of this day. and i know that God's still got me. and He's made this promise.



so i continue to live in confident hope (and a little confusion)
but mostly hope
:-)

picnik.com

so, i started PICNIKing today.
if i thought i wasn't productive before, there is absolutely no hope anymore!!
between dinkin' around on a new blog layout yesterday, and this today, i have spent far too much time online- and consequently not enough time doing the things i should.
o well. once i started, i just couldn't stop! i worked on all wedding pics. i wanted to make sure if i was wasting my time, others would benefit from it too!!
i thought i'd share them here too. i'm pretty stinkin' proud.

the renewed life is the key!

O MY!!! How did I miss this opportunity. I have found my calling. I am going to praise God with my song and dance- bringing joy to many.

ahahaha.

where the heck did they find these people? MickeyMouse Land!

hhhonestly.

'tis the season

As everyone else is starting to prepare for the holiday season, I’ve been living in a very important season of my own- that of preparation. And believe me; I’m learning more about the ‘reason for the season’ with each passing day.

After returning home from a less-than-typical summer on staff, I went back to Eau Claire with some fresh perspectives on life and what I’d do with the generous gift of survival I had received. I was at a place spiritually where I could hear God’s plan muffled in the background, but I was too stubborn to take my fingers outta my ears and truly listen to Him speak.

God is fathering me. And like a good father, He always wants what is best for His child. I know the place he wanted to take me wasn’t a punishment, but I didn’t perceive Him call me back to Kenosha to be a great gift either.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents bought my sisters and I a trampoline for Christmas. I remember seeing the giant box in the garage one day. But, because it wasn’t assembled, I didn’t think twice, and had no idea what it was. That trampoline was all we wanted that year. It was going to be fun, probably purple, and the greatest gift we thought we’d ever receive in our whole lives! But on Christmas morning, there was no trampoline under the tree…errr—set up in the backyard. We weren’t even bad that year! But the trampoline got taken back to the store. My parents had heard about some kids getting paralyzed due to injuries obtained from falls off the toy, and returned it. I’m sure we said some ridiculous things to try’n persuade our parents to reconsider. “We will be careful. We will share. We won’t even bounce on it! We just want it! Please. Please. Please. Please- with a cherry on top!! PLEASE!” But there has never been a purple trampoline in our backyard.

When I knew God’s plan was to take me away from Eau Claire, I acted like a 4th grader all over again. I bargained. I promised I’d behave, promised I’d read my Bible more, promised I’d truly care about our ministry there. I cried. I yelled. I pleaded. But, like a good father, God was patient with me. Waiting for me to listen and agree with His perfect plan. I believe God is compassionate. I know he wants what’s absolutely best for me.

We certainly didn’t see it at the time, but our parents took that trampoline back out of love. They knew it was a gift that we’d enjoy and appreciate, but they also knew that it was a gift that could potentially hurt us. They had the power and authority to protect us from harm, and they used it. And, although the lesson hasn’t fully been learned, I know God took me out of Eau Claire because He loves me and has a better plan for my future “…plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future”

So here I am in Kenosha. It has been a month FULL of trials and triumphs.

This is the first time in my entire life that I am without a label that
automatically places me in a social network. (Facebook doesn’t count!) I am not a student, nor an employee. I am not a Valleybrooker, or a resident at 402.5. My roommates are now in their 50s and it is no longer acceptable to drink alcohol at lunchtime (although, I’ve thought about it a couple times!) I don’t have a group of High Schoolers to hang out with and encourage. I no longer lead a ministry team. I live in an attic. I was offered a job, and then the person who was supposed to leave decided to stay (not the first time this has happened to me tho). I sleep ‘til at least 10 on most days, and I’m excited on days when I have to run an errand for my mom and she leave $5 on the table. I have no money. I have attended 5 different churches in the area, and still haven’t found ‘the one.’ On Monday, I was going to be a preschool teacher. On Tuesday, I decided to use my degree and work for corporate America. Wednesday, I wanted to be a full-time nanny- but then I got a call for an interview at SC Johnson and have decided this is exactly what I want. If I don’t get the job, I’ll be back at square-1 again, probably deciding to run away- which I usually consider every Friday afternoon.

But through all the trials, there is most certainly triumph. I am learning what it looks like to live completely dependent on God. I don’t have the crutch of school, ministry, or work to cling to right now. And somehow, I believe God planned it just this way. In being stripped of all the labels, I am only one thing- A Christian. And while there is no such thing as a ‘good Christian,’ I am learning more and more each day about God’s love for me, and am experiencing greater trust, resulting in greater intimacy, with the who loves perfectly.

So, yes, during many days of this season, I have found myself wondering WHEN, WHERE, and WHAT God is going to do with this life I’m living. But I wouldn’t give up this time of preparation for anything. I have learned too many invaluable lessons. And if God needed me to be uninvolved and less distracted by the things of this world so that He could speak into my life and get close enough to captivate me again, then AMEN. I agree.